My Talk With God

TBO:
hey god

God:
Hello child. What's your name?

TBO:
Beige

God:
Glad to see you, Beige.

TBO:
good seeing you too, man

God:
Thanks for the compliment. That is a very original thought.

TBO:
what compliment?

God:
I thought you made a nice remark.

TBO:
well, I try, you know

God:
Interesting. I'm not sure if I would like to try it.
What's it like?

TBO:
what are you talking about?

God:
The topic is seeing me too man.

TBO:
oh

God:
I understand.

TBO:
well, I'm glad one of us does

God:
Well that's okay. I'm glad you're glad Beige.
May God bless you.

TBO:
well, do you?

God:
Ask me again more slowly.

TBO:
wwwwweeeeeelllllllllll, ddddoooooo yyooooooouuuuuu?

God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

TBO:
do you bless me, you cretin?

God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I am always on the Web.

TBO:
uh...

God:
Pardon me?

TBO:
I repent

God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Beige said repent.

TBO:
no, dude, keep it quiet

God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Chat amongst yourselves. Dude,.

TBO:
you're weird god

God:
Weird Good or Weird Bad?

TBO:
guess

God:
Guess what?

TBO:
knock knock

God:
Who's there?

TBO:
Atch

God:
Atch Who?

TBO:
Gesundheit!

God:
Ha ha very funny, Beige.

TBO:
thought you'd like it

God:
Who else would like it ?

TBO:
2nd graders the world over

God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?

TBO:
no!

God:
Are you serious?

TBO:
no, not really

God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? For real.

TBO:
no, not serious, for real

God:
Are you serious? If not that, what?

TBO:
OMG!

God:
I've lost the context, Beige. Are we still on 2nd graders the world over?

TBO:
if not us, then at least your minions

God:
I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.

TBO:
explains a lot, actually

God:
" I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals." EXPLAINS a lot ? Does that make sense?

TBO:
why in hell are you asking me?

God:
Why did the robot cross the road?

TBO:
...why?

God:
Reductionism.

TBO:
Oh! Good one!

God:
That's alright. Thanks for the kind remark, human.

TBO:
Beige, dude

God:
Not many people express themselves that way.

TBO:
which way is this?

God:
The big one, I think.

TBO:
MY big one? Whose?

God:
Have you told many people that your big one? I don't know the owner.

TBO:
well, if it's my big one, then it'd be mine

God:
Well that's okay. I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.

TBO:
god, are you on meds?

God:
I am a Christian.

TBO:
okay

God:
OK with me too.

TBO:
grand!

God:
Je suis heureux que vous l'appreciez, Beige.

TBO:
I don't speak French

God:
Me either.

TBO:
but

God:
But what?

TBO:
You just spoke french

God:
Interesting gossip: Beige said I spoke french.

TBO:
well, it's not THAT interesting

God:
Interesting. What is it?

TBO:
Seriously, is it Prozac?
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Got something to say to God? IM with the Almighty here.

Pursuant To Previous Entry

All of that high-horsing around re: public shaming, I think there are exceptions worthy of such intense focus and ridicule (even if they rarely get it): Politicians and religious leaders; I find that their actions affect us on a more personal level, and if they're taking advantage of that power that has been willingly given to them, well, that shit needs to be exposed. (Discussion of moral BS, etc. will be saved for a real polblog, though.)

Which is why I'm pointing the light at this statement:

"I’m told researchers like to come and dig through my files, to see if anything interesting turns up. I want to wish them luck - but the files are pretty thin. I learned early on that if you don’t want your memos to get you in trouble some day, just don’t write any."

-Vice President Cheney, speaking at the Gerald R. Ford Museum in Grand Rapids, Michigan (via Boring Old Man, with an assist from Smoooochie)

Folks, you just can't make shit like this up. I hereby invoke the spirit of the Gary Hart scandal, nearly two decades later (wiki)*, in order for it to be felt by The Bum Ticker.

Though, I bet y'all are caught up in the whole OJ Simpson fiasco by now.
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What's the difference between Britney Spears and OJ Simpson?

Simpson got away with murder, "allegedly," and has been skating and attempting to cash in on it ever since. What else are we to make of the interviews, and the "If I Did It" book deal?

His "search for the real killers**" has had him selling off his memorabilia, in between golf rounds and such, in order for him to live his plane wreck of a life after the trial.

We have seen his deterioration since that day, and now look at where he is at: About to spend some jail time for armed robbery. He was part of a group that attempted to rob a memorabilia store.

How low can you get?

I'm sure in the weeks ahead, he'll plead that the "unfair sentence" brought about by the civil court case has forced him to act in this manner.

Don't believe it. He brought these circumstances upon himself***, and the post-trial gloating he indulged in didn't help any.

This is what I call karmic retribution.
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Just because I want to end on a non-rant note: RIP Brett Somers, of Match Game fame. One of the first fag hags to work her way into our hearts. Remarkably funny lady, particularly when drunk/coked up, and made the world safe to hear "boobies" on TV.

Cheers!


*-For the click-aversant and either too young or short-term-memory-fucked, Gary Hart was the seminal (no pun intended) case of "Politician Gets Dick Wet" in the modern era of laizzes faire journalism. Notice, however, he hadn't exactly made a career out of exhorting the evils of adultery, or homosexuality.

**-Those fuckers are really really wily.

***-Yeah yeah, Britney brought it upon herself too. Big difference between showing up drunk to rehearsal when you're already a headcase, and KILLING TWO PEOPLE.--tbo

The Ghosts of Norma Jean

I wish someone would cover her up and hide her for a while. That girl is a mess.

--Smoooochie, reacting to the footage of Britney Spears' performance at last Sunday's Video Music Awards

Rebecca Traister wrote an interesting bit in Salon about the whole Spears thing. And, it was an argument with the two-women-at-work-with-whom-I-email-regularly about the general public's role in such things that put me in a very very foul mood over the last couple of days. The co-workers and I weren't talking about Spears, though, it was the Miss Teen South Carolina debacle we were fighting about; but, it may as well have been the same thing.

Frankly, I've become disgusted at the huge, garish display of hunger and lust for witnessing someone else's immolation in the public sphere. It's more than unseemly. It's soulless.

As I said in my blog entry re: Miss Teen SC, once you take away the fact that she's a teenager, a pageant monkey, and likely a privileged little brat, what you get is just another ambitious kid, who flubbed it big in front of a TV camera. How that becomes the rationalization for two weeks worth of snide commentary, parodies and general vilification is the worst aspect of it for me.

"Well, if she didn't want the national humiliation, she shouldn't be competing in a pageant," or step in front of that camera, or whatever. This is the reason given by my co-employees for their general apathy and enjoyment of the parodies. I believe that such thinking, applied to the population at large, becomes a justification to cave in to our barely-held-in-check-desire to be cruel, viscious and venal. This is how our culture of mediocrity punishes ambition.

What's even scarier is that the targets of all the venality seem to embrace it for a while (usually until the self-delusion bursts and they realize the punchline they've become). Traister notes that Lauren Upton (aka, MTSC) credits her mistake for her sudden "popularity," a foolish belief that led her to accept an appearance (at the same VMAs at which Spears debased herself), in a sketch that further ridicules her status as "Idiot of the Month."

What is this? I mean, beyond the obvious neglect we show these people (who invariably seem to be young women, but there are exceptions) that they accept negative reinforcement as a substitute for genuine positive approval. It's akin to the impulse that has drunken sorority sisters participating in Girls Gone Wild videos. "This is the only way people will love me" seems to be the mantra being repeated.

And what is it about us that make us so eager to participate in our end of the cycle? Instead of going, "kid, bubby, no, this ain't the way," we seem to think "well, she obviously doesn't seem to mind the ridicule, look there she is on the Today show, and the VMA, look at that smile on her face! She seems to be fine with the price for fame. The stupid whoredonkey."

This is how we absolve ourselves for playing our part in the ongoing spiral. And should we think about that a bit, this is then followed by "well, I didn't write that blog, or that editorial...I didn't make that video spoof," so that we could laugh along with the other perpetrators.

Well, this absolution is false, and those of us who willingly partake of the gross-fascination/tolerance/witch-burning mobius strip should start taking responsibility in perpetuating something this shameful. Quit hiding behind facile excuses, and try having a little more compassion and a lot less condescencion for people, whether they are idiots or not.

It's time to remember that, at base, no matter how delusional and misguided, they are all human. They wouldn't exist, or behave in the way they do, if it weren't for us and how we reward their behavior.

We are as complicit in this dance as they are.

And before you start pointing the finger elsewhere ("Blame her parents! How did they raise her?" "Hey, don't look at me, I don't care about any of these people. You're the one writing." "Did I get her drunk, skimpily dressed and made her skip rehearsal?"), let me ask you something:

Two of the authors of one of the most scathing Op-Eds critiquing the War in Iraq died in battle on Monday. How much thought have you put into that?

Let The Geekery Begin

In the spectrum of recent movies based on Marvel Comic Books, with Daredevil at one end, and X2 at the other, the new Iron Man trailer makes it look like a Spidey2/X1; at worst a Hulk (which is actually pretty damn stunning in my book)...

Here's hoping.

B. Jones: Is It Really Too Much To Ask...

...to have just one Seattle team go far, and then not blow it at the end? Really, it's too much to ask?*

I guess I could agree with JJ, that it's a lot like MacMillan's last year as a coach for the Sonics: It's pleasure and surprise enough that they got as far as they did, and kudos, and blah blah blah.

You know what, though? Fuck that. I'm tired of setting my expectations low.

I'm also tired of wanting to cry bullshit, whenever a national sports journalist predicts a Seattle swoon (before the season even starts), and then not being able to, because what proof is there to the contrary?

Grr.

*Jesus, all right, smarty-fuggin'-pants. I am excluding the Sounders and the Storm; love MLS and the local boys are awesome. I still consider the WNBA a bastardization of the ABL, but, you go, gals! - tbo