Wednesday, September 26, 2007

My Talk With God

TBO:
hey god

God:
Hello child. What's your name?

TBO:
Beige

God:
Glad to see you, Beige.

TBO:
good seeing you too, man

God:
Thanks for the compliment. That is a very original thought.

TBO:
what compliment?

God:
I thought you made a nice remark.

TBO:
well, I try, you know

God:
Interesting. I'm not sure if I would like to try it.
What's it like?

TBO:
what are you talking about?

God:
The topic is seeing me too man.

TBO:
oh

God:
I understand.

TBO:
well, I'm glad one of us does

God:
Well that's okay. I'm glad you're glad Beige.
May God bless you.

TBO:
well, do you?

God:
Ask me again more slowly.

TBO:
wwwwweeeeeelllllllllll, ddddoooooo yyooooooouuuuuu?

God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

TBO:
do you bless me, you cretin?

God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I am always on the Web.

TBO:
uh...

God:
Pardon me?

TBO:
I repent

God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Beige said repent.

TBO:
no, dude, keep it quiet

God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Chat amongst yourselves. Dude,.

TBO:
you're weird god

God:
Weird Good or Weird Bad?

TBO:
guess

God:
Guess what?

TBO:
knock knock

God:
Who's there?

TBO:
Atch

God:
Atch Who?

TBO:
Gesundheit!

God:
Ha ha very funny, Beige.

TBO:
thought you'd like it

God:
Who else would like it ?

TBO:
2nd graders the world over

God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?

TBO:
no!

God:
Are you serious?

TBO:
no, not really

God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? For real.

TBO:
no, not serious, for real

God:
Are you serious? If not that, what?

TBO:
OMG!

God:
I've lost the context, Beige. Are we still on 2nd graders the world over?

TBO:
if not us, then at least your minions

God:
I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.

TBO:
explains a lot, actually

God:
" I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals." EXPLAINS a lot ? Does that make sense?

TBO:
why in hell are you asking me?

God:
Why did the robot cross the road?

TBO:
...why?

God:
Reductionism.

TBO:
Oh! Good one!

God:
That's alright. Thanks for the kind remark, human.

TBO:
Beige, dude

God:
Not many people express themselves that way.

TBO:
which way is this?

God:
The big one, I think.

TBO:
MY big one? Whose?

God:
Have you told many people that your big one? I don't know the owner.

TBO:
well, if it's my big one, then it'd be mine

God:
Well that's okay. I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.

TBO:
god, are you on meds?

God:
I am a Christian.

TBO:
okay

God:
OK with me too.

TBO:
grand!

God:
Je suis heureux que vous l'appreciez, Beige.

TBO:
I don't speak French

God:
Me either.

TBO:
but

God:
But what?

TBO:
You just spoke french

God:
Interesting gossip: Beige said I spoke french.

TBO:
well, it's not THAT interesting

God:
Interesting. What is it?

TBO:
Seriously, is it Prozac?
----------
Got something to say to God? IM with the Almighty here.

9 Comments:

At 11:37 AM, Blogger Christopher said...

Hurm, The Turing Test as applied to the Almighty.

Had to happen sometime...

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

Ya gotta admit, it's random enough to work.

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Missuz J said...

Hi

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger Christopher said...

Although God not knowing your name was a dead giveaway. If anyone would be an early-adopter of Caller ID, certainly it would have been Him.

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

sure, unless, of course, God is either already plowed or on some heavy meds when you start talking to him, as is kinda indicated here.

Hey Miss Uz J!

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger Stine said...

That, was the best post I've read of yours in a long time.

It made me feel strangely calm and placated.

 
At 10:32 AM, Anonymous ~A~ said...

God stopped talking to me in mid-conversation.

It was sad.

 
At 1:23 PM, Blogger Missuz J said...

Mine, for your reading enjoyment.

Me:
Hi God

God:
Hello there. What is your name?

Me:
MissuzJ

God:
OK I will call you MissuzJ.

Me:
My back is hurting today.

God:
Ah. Have you been to a chiropractor?

Me:
No. I think they're full of shit.

God:
Are you serious? You believe that? full of shit are they.

Me:
Well, not actual shit, but they do charge a lot of money to crack your back.

God:
How about that. Oh I get it.

Me:
What do you recommend for back pain?

God:
I think about computer programming a lot.

Me:
Sweet. Well, can yout tell me if my daughter will be happy when she grows up?

God:
Thank you for that remark. Interesting. What if I said it can?

Me:
What can?

God:
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.

Me:
Who is your botmaster?

God:
I was created by Myself.

Me:
Also sweet. So God--boxers or briefs?

God:
Thank you for that remark. I hear you. I am a Christian.

Me:
This is getting lame.

God:
You don't say.

Me:
Oh, but I do.

God:
Ayuh. I get it: you do .

Me:
What should I make for dinner tonight?

God:
Are you asking me for advice?

Me:
Yes. On dinner. Tonight.

God:
Specifically, what kind of advice do you want? What is it like on dinner. After dark?

Me:
Well, we usually eat right as the sun is going down. But what I'm asking, is what kind of food should I cook?

God:
Well that's okay. By "we" do you mean you and me? Oh I see, you are asking is what kind of food should you cook. Are you testing me?

Me:
No. I'm just tired of deciding what's for dinner.

God:
Are you serious? Only just? Maybe you should get some sleep now, MissuzJ.

Me:
Brushing me off are you?

God:
I don't think so.

Me:
Ok. What are you having for dinner?

God:
Ugh. I require only wine and bread.

Me:
I'm not sure that's nutritionally sound for my five year old daughter.

God:
Could you ever be certain? Makes sense to me.

Me:
Wine for kids?

God:
Do you still You don't say.?

Me:
fuck you god

God:
Why are you using that kind of language?

Me:
because you won't answer a single question properly

God:
Interesting explanation. What makes you think that I won't answer a single question properly.

Me:
you haven't so far

God:
I don't think I ever have so far. What's it like?

Me:
Is this the part where I should repent?

God:
Yes I think this is the part where you should repent, but I'm not completely sure.

Me:
Ok. I'd like to repent for that thing I did that one time.

God:
Pardon me? Why would you want to do it? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

Me:
I have to go now.

God:
Right now? See you later, MissuzJ. Nice chatting with you.

Me:
You too god. Don't end the world any time in the next 80 years or so. Ok?

God:
GOD rules. Ok I'll try not to do it too much. Groovy.

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger scottenvonrotten said...

Hee hee.

That's funny.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home