Monday, September 26, 2005

CYA, fellas, CYA

[TBO's note: The following is based on recent articles describing what Republican congress would like to do in order to follow through on W's promise to send aid to Katrina's refugees. Click on the subject line above, for an article detailing the proposed cuts.]

(Place: Big DC, Room 1003)

BigBoy1: We've offered the survivors an incredible amount of money, but since we've cut taxes from the one source we could've been tapping all this time, there's no way we could actually follow through on this promise.

BigBoy2: Oh, fuck, we gotta follow through, otherwise, we'll look like the charlatans we are!

BigBoy3: Look, we've been wanting to cut funding for some of these programs that soak up some of the monies we need to keep the war program going, why don't we do that in the name of rebuilding the Gulf Coast. That way, we look good, and we can kill these other items at the same time!

BigBoy2: Capital Idea, BigBoy3!

BigBoy1: Indeed! But which programs do you intend to cut, ol' chum? How much are we talking about?

BigBoy3: Well, hmm...Let me think...How about we cut $225 billion from Medicaid, and an extra $200 billion from Medicare?

BigBoy2: Ooh, that's a hefty cut!

BigBoy1: Yes, but where will the people who depend on those services go?

BigBoy3: Who cares? Let the states figure it out for themselves.

BigBoy2: Sporting! Capital!

BigBoy3: Let's see...Next, $25 billion from the CDC.

BigBoy1: Uh--

BigBoy2: I believe you're on a roll, continue! Continue!

BigBoy3: All right, we could take a little under $7 billion from the school lunches for poor kids program, and another $7.5 from AIDS research...

BigBoy2: It wouldn't be such a problem if those people would stop breeding like flies...

BigBoy1: Well, these cuts sure are...exhilirating...What you need are some bold moves.

BigBoy2: What about the $417 million we're currently spending on the development of minority businesses?

BigBoy3: Good one, but we need something bigger too.

BigBoy2: hmmm...

BigBoy3: I've got it! Let's kill Public Broadcasting, and then the NEA.

BigBoy2: Leave arts subsidies to the Canucks and Limeys...

BigBoy1: [sotto voce] and the rest of the world.

BigBoy2: All right, that's $9.1 billion right there.

BigBoy3: Are we still subsidizing student loans? Cut that shit out!

BigBoy1: [sotto voce] oh jesus.

BigBoy2: Another $8.5 bill, ol' boy!

BigBoy3: And what are we doing funding AmTrak? Who uses that piece of shit anymore? Gone!

BigBoy2: $2.5 bill!

BigBoy3: Alternative fuel?!? ALTERNATIVE FUCKING FUEL?!? Are you kidding me? How did Georgie let that slide for this long? Gone!

BigBoy2: Another $2.5!

BigBoy1: Guys...uh, I need some you guys mind going on without me for a bit?

BigBoy3: Sure, pally, we'll be here.

[door shut]

BigBoy2: Pussy.

*all apologies to DeniM, who really does this sort of thing better than I do.


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