Thursday, August 11, 2005

Why hasn't anyone noticed this yet?

[TBO's note: I know ad critiques are more of my pal, Izzle Pfaff's, domain, but I've been kinda going through some doldrums lately (working on an NYC entry), and I kinda need to get the yayas out.]

So, in some of the online circles I travel, I started noticing the banner ads for True, the latest "safe online dating service," and they've been kinda niggling at me... If you haven't witnessed these yet, they are invariably a picture of some cheesecake, usually in a bikini, smiling toothsomely at the camera, and a caption to get the guy's attention. ("Wake up to this smile at True" or some such approximation.)

Listen, you have a dating service, you're gonna get the guys by the buttload* already, you don't really need to appeal to them.

Also, the guys suckered into joining up based on the ads -- assuming they're successful, and that this is what they want; also assuming anyone is this naive -- what are they gonna find?

I am speaking generally here. I know the majority of guys will not be thinking "True offers bikini babes for every man," when they join up, but what's the point?

No, the real problem is going to be attracting the ladies, and once they do join up, they're probably gonna be inundated with guys who will either have a one-track mind, or will want to rush things. ("Heyyour'rehotlet'sgooutdoyoudoanal?") And I'm sure there's the right target audience for that sort of thing, but I'm thinking that gals looking for the quick and easy guy probably don't really need a "safe online dating service."

To be fair, I just saw an ad that was aimed at the ladies. They promise that they screen for felons and married guys (maybe they should add assholes, wimps and that guy to the list). The picture attached? Hot, skinny model, wearing a tight red "True" t-shirt, and tight, small (if tame) underpants looking out of venetian blinds.

That's gonna attract women how?

I'm guessing that in the bigger markets they do have trouble getting the guys on there, or summat...but I guess I'm confused. I've never really been sold on the dating service option, and the experiences of my friends have sort of reinforced that. There are enough choices and pitfalls out there in the tactile dimension without adding online crazies into the mix.


Man, I think too much.

*(approx. three truckloads per buttload. Fuckload = 5 buttloads)


At 12:24 PM, Blogger rob said...

'tis true...there are an asston* more blokes than sheilas on those sites. It's typically the guys who pay the subscription fees, however, in order to contact the ladies. I'd venture to guess that that is why these sites break out the sexy artillery for the men type guys.

You treboobchets and twatapults.

*(2.2 Fuckloads per asston)

At 4:06 PM, Blogger PK said...

It is an irony that most men who go to the sites are looking for a quicky while the women are looking for a relationship.

I have a friend at work mending a broken heart over such an experience as I write this.

And to answer your question, no that is not what attracts most women. Not only speaking for myself but including many a drunken night of female bonding, we don't want pretty. We want guys. The more they try to look good, the more we wonder why they have to try.

my 2 cents.

At 4:19 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

the hot skinny model in the last banner ad I mentioned was female, by the by...

At 8:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Three things from me...

1) "nigglin'"?!

2) "summat" - Reading some Rowling these days, are you?

3) If you don't get why this and other dating sites keep coming around, you are underestimating the amount of loneliness in this world, my friend.

At 12:02 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

Hey anonymous (or freakin' JJ),

1) Yeah, I said niggling, what?

2) Fascination with the word "summat" can be traced to PG Wodehouse's Wooster novels.

3) What I don't understand is why this advertising model is the one that is adhered to, considering the high volume of failure...

At 2:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, so, it's me, what of it?

You answered your own question. Why adhere if it doesn't work? Because, it actually does work.

It's intent just has nothing to do with actually hooking people up. Dig?

At 4:11 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

bitch, I take you down!

Lobo, later, asshole.

At 4:16 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

what gets me is that people haven't learned, another aspect of this scenario that I just don't get, loneliness or not.

At 5:22 PM, Blogger PK said...

When it comes to love, we (yes I'm boldly saying both men and women) have a tendancy to see only what we want. It's like a starving dog being fed poisoned food. A part of their instincts know, but they're too starved and one instinct over comes the other.

Hunger for love is an instinct and we starve for it. Like the starving we also become imaciated, it shows differently, but it's just as grousome, and the worst of it? We take the poison.

I mean yeah, we could grow wise and learn to love ourselves, blah blah blah, but so many of us don't.

And, that my friend, is why it still works.

At 10:46 AM, Blogger the beige one said...

well, y'all know how to make one feel optimistic...

Let me see if I have this right, y'all are saying that human beings share a pavlovian condition to seek out love, no matter how obviously flawed a given system is.

That's sad, you guys.

At 1:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would be different if it were actually love, like LOVE, being sought, but it is companionship. And, yes, I think we have a need to seek companionship despite all previous failure (but not Pavlovian - thatwould be conditioned - I think this is innate). Therefore, art. And dating services.

On a side note, I'm curious how you got this past us without comment - "in some of the online circles I travel" - I assume I can take this to mean "sites for ass lovers," right?

At 3:30 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

How old are you tomorrow, JJ?

At 4:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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