Relationship Jive

Check out the letter/advice given by Heather Havrilesky (aka: the rabbit blog). Pretty silly shit here.

However, here's the bit I want to talk about, in the midst of Havrilesky's reply:

For some reason, it takes four or five men to determine when a woman isn't interested. I mean, sure, it takes the same number of female consultants to
weigh in on the total dead-enditude of a woman's relationship with a flinchy guy. But look, that's more difficult work.

Spoken like someone who hasn't tried to figure out if a woman is into him/her.

I'm not saying it's any harder than trying to wade through passive aggressive dick-ishness at the end of a relationship (and not like men have that market cornered), I'm saying they're one and the same thing. There's something about that desperation/denial that just takes hold of one's psyche...

This problem is not just endemic to men, women get it too, and it's also present if the woman/man in question is actually into you.

There's nothing as sadly comical as when we, as a collective species, are first in the throes of finding someone blindingly attractive. The problem is that some of us don't develop either a) effective coping mechanisms, or b) a trusty plan of action, all that quickly. Some never learn to do this at all.

We overthink things, our insecurities are magnified to the thousandth degree, and our behavior runs the extremes from Jerry Lewis "Frau Laven" franticness, to Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction-levels of moodiness.

The key to all of this is to let the following bit of nonsense be your guide:

The squirrel always gets the pickle.

"Okay. The squirrel always gets the pickle, why?" Obviously, because the squirrel wants the pickle.

"Why does--" Shut up.

Look, I'm saying the squirrel wants the pickle, so the squirrel gets the pickle. The thing about pickles is that they're pretty much interchangeable, if you can't get the Vlasic, then the Claussen may do the trick. The idea is to not get bogged down with details, just get the damn pickle already.

Also, the pickle is not a necessity for the squirrel, so the squirrel may want the pickle, but it doesn't need the pickle...This frees you up, so you don't end up obsessing over one particular pickle (like the guy in the letter mentioned above), especially once you've crossed over into "I think of you as a friend," territory.

"So, the woman in this scenario...is a pickle?" Well, I didn't get gender specific about it, but, if what you're looking for is a woman, then yes.

"Isn't that, I don't know, kinda gay?" ...Next question.

"All right, you're so smart, how's your current love life going?" Shut up. Fuck off.