Sunday, July 10, 2005

Women: Miscellany

So, I went to a post-work function earlier this week. Essentially a bunch of other Admin. Assistant-types went to a local bar and kvetched until someone had to meet some other appointment.

Eventually, one of the attendants bursts out with the following, "You know, I initially thought TBO was gay...that is until I started getting these emails in which..." And in true fashion, the others chirped in, "oh yah, me too!" "yeah, I thought you were gay too!" "yah yah yah, gay gay gay!"

Now, had this been the first time this year I'd faced this assumption, I'd be aghast and castigating myself for somehow coming across in this fashion. I mean, bizarre porn stories involving doorknobs aside, I have more than a vested interest in the various...fuck it, I love tits, I love ass, I love pussy, I fucking love fucking, good-old-fashioned-kinky-ass-"how'd my footprint end up on the windshield/mirror/the neighbors' face?" fucking.

But, as I say, this isn't the first time this year this has happened. Thankfully, it was only embarrassing once, when the assumption was aired immediately after a drunken pass...

What gives, though? This question had been harranguing me, so I turn to the klatch and ask why they thought so.

Stunned silence, and I convince myself that they're actually thinking the question through instead of coming up with a bunch of lies. "Well, you're very stylish, for one thing," someone chimed in. "Yes, quite fashionable."

Stylish? Fashionable? I'll admit that I've been making an effort to look better, but I'm no fashion plate, not by a long shot. But, okay...

"You're also very expressive." "And you're communicative!" "Well read" "Funny" "you don't stare at my body*" "you pay attention"

Not that I put a lot of weight in all this, it's just a curious thing. I think it's funny that among the reasons these gals think I'm gay is the fact that I'm communicative, well read, don't leer at them, and pay attention to them.

Do I really need to become a lotharian mongoloid? I guess I do. Maybe I should start Project: LLTBO. I'll start by going out tonight and saying "damn girl, your tits would look great on my face. What was your name again?"

I'll let you know how it goes.

*(not that any of you would ever catch me, I'm a sly MF. Doesn't mean I ain't.)


At 2:17 PM, Blogger rob said...

Wait a second. You're not gay?

I get this all the time too, brother. However, I am a lotharian mongoloid so I guess you got one up on me.

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Joe said...

Wait a second. You're a guy?

At 4:36 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

Rob: At least you own it.

Joe: How's your back, bub?

At 10:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

darling, darling, darling...

be flattered... it's just the statement "All the goods ones are either married or gay" is coming back to bite you on the ass.

You're obviously a "good" one and you're very obviously not married which forms a very simple conclusion for those of us who don't know otherwise :)

- Jayne

At 12:24 AM, Blogger JJisafool said...

Fuckin' hell, Jayne, you summed up the problem with feminism. If we all acted as we should - you know, listening and responding and shit, the species would die out. Y'all gotta make up your fucking minds! I'm married and take care of my kid all day and cook and clean and emote and shit and get NO FUCKING PLAY.

When I was just an asshole, I was dripping with it.

Empirical fucking research, girls! It trumps the rhetoric.

At 4:08 AM, Blogger the beige one said...

Jayne, please keep in mind that JJ is simply a bitter man, that's the only reason he comes across that way.

though, he does swear he used to get a lot of play back when he was a drunken asshole...I buy it.


Post a Comment

<< Home