Friday, September 30, 2005

Proposal: An Alternative

America: Your current flirtation/attraction rules suck! The following is an alternative to said rules, please take a gander. If you are as frustrated as I have been in the past, and these make sense to you, feel free to pass it on. Maybe, just maybe, a change can brought about.

These apply to both men and women, and, in terms of behavior, both sides of any relationship would need to adhere to. These are ideals, based on what I noticed and remembered from being in Puerto Rico, and don't take into consideration any crazies, creepoids or douschebags (male and female) that are always out there.

1) Everybody flirts. Openly and copiously. Not only does it make life pleasant, but it also de-emphasizes those random moments of platonic flirting that people tend to get caught up on these days.

1a) When you flirt, expect the return flirt. TW had a tendency to start big with me, and then back down when the flirt came back her way, as in "oh shit, he's taking me seriously." No, it's just a return flirt.

2) Expression of interest or attraction does not mean "let's get married." It seems people get rather worried about others getting too attached early in the process. There's nothing wrong with dating, hanging out, or having someone find you attractive.

The other night, PK and I were talking, and at different points in the night, we'd talk about someone she'd just met, and her fear that they might be into her. Usually, these guys would be married or involved. Her response: "Oh, good, I was worried about that."

What would be bad about having him be interested?

"He just isn't my type, and I don't want to go through all of that. I hate hurting people."

All he said was hello, why worry about that?

"Women spend the majority of their time not wanting to flirt with guys, so that they don't get ideas, so that we don't have to turn them down."

Are you serious?

"Yeah."

So, you spend the majority of your time freaking out about the majority of the population you're not into, instead of trying to just...not think about it?

"We manage."

Why not just flirt?

"Have you ever been date-raped?"

2a) When you get a "no," it has no reflection on you or the quality of your being. Move on, there are always other friends to play with.

3) Fucking around? >le thumbs!< Just be careful, and when ya wanna settle down, don't be surprised if the fuckables don't wanna go there with you.

4) Take care of yourself, in all the various meanings that can have. Also, be mindful of others.

5) Take chances, you really never know when something might work out a hell of a lot better than what you'd expect. This goes for both those you are taking a risk on, and those who're taking a risk on you.

5 Comments:

At 11:20 AM, Blogger rob said...

Yesity, yes yes. w00t, In particular, to #2.

This is one of my favorite exchanges that demonstrates how women can be preclusively suspicious of men's designs...even when there are none.

Rob - You're fun. We should hang out sometime.

Girl (a mutual friend of a friend) - Thanks but I'm really not in a place where I should be dating.

Rob - Who said anything about a date. I just want to shoot pool.

Girl - Oh...I thought you were asking me out because we were flirting earlier.

Rob - Nope. I just think you're cool.

Girl - Wait. Are you gay?

Rob - AAAAAAAAAAAAH Hahahahahaha. I'll meet you at The Garage tomorrow at 9.

 
At 3:55 PM, Blogger PK said...

You all are cool though! I know with you guys, if you want to hang there's no funny stuff.

There are so many times when I get the "no I just want to be friends", and then they try to kiss me. WTF?!

I'm sorry, but it's happened too many times.

Plus I'm small, so I have to think about protecting my self as well. There's such a thing as date rape.

You two have proven youselves as being good, trust worthy, men but not all guys are as good as you.

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

Not all men are monsters either, and I'm not advocating that you stop protecting yourself.

However, there is a difference between protecting yourself and living in fear, no matter how rational that fear is.

 
At 7:20 AM, Blogger Missuz J said...

I've been told that I flirt with everyone I meet--old, young, guys, gals, single, married. What some see as flirting, I see as friendly. I think that so many people have a cactus up their ass that they've forgotten what it is to just engage in a fun conversation with another person.

re. the date rape though--I have to side with PK. You never know if it's a man or a monster you've got on your hands.

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger the beige one said...

You never know if it's a man or a monster you've got on your hands

Agreed, it is a huge problem, and one that I don't have any solutions for. These assholes could be anyone, I understand...

I just wonder where the line is drawn. Because it seems to me that worrying about 98% of the male population, and dismissing the majority of men under the possible "date rapist" label is an expenditure of a whole lot of energy, not exactly healthy, and incredibly limiting.

Again, I understand the need for caution, but where is the comfort?

 

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