Friday, February 25, 2005

The Pope's New Hole

(no, not Courtney Love, in any definition of "hole")

Jesus, when will this fucker die? Have you seen pictures of him? He looks like Tippy the fucking Turtle. Can any catholic, active or recovering, actually tell me that this bag of bones is effective?

Gotta say though, I look forward to when he gets a colostomy, if only so I could write this headline:

Pope's Got a Brand New Bag

5 Comments:

At 11:40 AM, Blogger Joe said...

I see NY Post stories about someone stealing the Pontiff's used colostomy bags and selling them on E-Bay to true believers who think rubbing it on themselves will heal their cancer.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger marcythewhore said...

A Free Massage for the Pope and Terry Schiavo:
Marcy (me) is offering a free massage to Pope John Paul II and Terry Schiavo. Chances are great that the phalanx of cardinals and Swiss guards surrounding the Pope won’t let a prostitute like me near the Pope’s hospital bed. And Terry Schiavo has been all but dead for the past fifteen years, I wonder if she could actually respond to a massage.

It’s official in the Vatican that if Pope John Paul goes belly up brain dead like Terry Schiavo that the Pope is to be fed baby food through a tube to keep him looking as though he is still somewhat alive. Like Terry Schiavo is supposed to be looking, well, somewhat alive after being cataleptic for a decade and a half.

A little medical update on catalepsy: Catalepsy in 4th stage sleep with REM causes the sleeper to want to awaken, because their dreams are so awful, and they can't move, can't even shout.

I imagine that if Terry Schiavo dreams, she is dreaming about a Big Mac. I mean, seriously, after fifteen years of baby food through a tube into her stomach, who wouldn’t want a Big Mac. Or a pizza. Or to just stop having nightmares about suffering.

As for Pope John Paul, should he go the same route as Terry Schiavo and be kept breathing by machines, that means Pope John Paul would continue to be the Holy See, the Holy Head of a billion Catholics around the world. Well, heck, President George Bush has been all but brain dead for five years and that hasn’t stopped Dick Cheney from running the government. So I suppose Pope John Paul could continue vicariously blessing things through the cardinals and Swiss guards.

John Paul says that he wants to be kept pumped up by machines while brain dead because suffering is what Jesus did so well. Like there isn’t enough suffering in the world, to be a good Pontiff or catholic it is good for your soul to seek even more severe ways of suffering.

Yes, with all this suffering the Pope wants to do, I don’t suppose a massage and Happy Ending would be in order for the Pontiff.

And Terry Schiavo has long since been waaaaaaayyyyy beyond feeling the need for a massage and happy ending…………..marcythewhore

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger the beige one said...

Proposed Headlines

a)Bead Jigglers Discover That Ain't Fudge

b)HOLY SHIT!

c)Papal Guano Cures Cancer

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Chesty said...

I was just sitting here in Mirtle Beach, reading your blog and thought I'd say Hey.

"HEY"

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger marcythewhore said...

Marcythewhore says to the beige one.....ramble on to your heart's content. I'll hone done everything with my answer. Here's the challenge: If you think you can ask a question I can't answer, please try. But don't take it personal when I answer adroitly answer your question in an awesome manner.....marcythewhore

To Ogie: Mark Twain has done for minorities what I've done for prositution. Made it free. Oh, not free in the monetary sense. But free of spirit. Free of will. Free from fear of going to hell and all of that.

It's sort of humorous in a spiritually whoreish way that I'd been searching and searching for Twain's prayer. I kept thinking it was called Twain's 'Lord's Prayer." I was putting into google search all sorts of theological terms next to Mark Twain's name and coming up with Letters from Heaven and all that. But couldn't find the prayer, damn it.

Then I was moshing along through the blogs and voila, there it is. You got it. You had it for me. If only you were a steady customer in one of my Chicago area massage parlors this problem could have been solved long ago.

By the by, have you ever read Twain's 'Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven.' A hysterical ride of a ghost/soul's journey through outer space and Captain Stormfield's subsequent arrival to heaven, only to discover that angels quickly gave up the harp because most of them didn't have musical talent in life, and that lack of musical talent didn't translate well into death.

As for whether you can afford a visit to one of my massage parlors, first, do you know anyone important in the Outfit? Second, if you do, next Super Bowl we will have another Super Bowl Happy Ending Party that maybe you can attend..........marcythewhore

 

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