The Ballad of Johnny Cutwang

[I don't know if you've been following the saga of Abdul Rahman, but I can tell you that I found it fascinating; especially the conundrum facing Afghani President Hamid Karzai (he almost had to execute Rahman, due to Islamic law (which was created by extreme muslims...see Recommended on the top right column).

I found myself compelled to create an understanding just why this story is important, to those out there wondering what the big deal is. This is what I came up with.*--tbo]

Imagine if the US supported the death penalty for choosing to circumcise yourself, because at the time of the Revolution, it was considered a traitorous act.

Two hundred-and-thirty years later, this one guy thought "fuck it, I hear circumcised penises aren't as sensitive so you could last longer" and off he goes to Canada to get the job done.

Later in life, he gets married, has a kid. Even later they're getting a divorce, and he wants custody of the kid.

The wife, realizing she has an advantage, mentions the cut wanger to her lawyer, the lawyer brings it up to the judge, the law says what it says and boom, Johnny Cutwang is up for execution.

Eventually, news of this gets out to the world at large, and soon an international uproar, especially from countries that use our products, explodes, and the world's citizens demand that the president not execute one of his country's citizens because he cut his fucking wanger in college.

President Gore has a tough choice to make. He knows that cutting your wanger shouldn't be that big a fucking deal (having cut his during his hippy years); but he knows that the moment he pardons Johnny, the extreme patriots will be demanding his impeachment (though, for the Afghani extremists, impeachment = assassination). Also, most of the non-extremists will likely abandon him, except for the rational bunch who know it shouldn't be this way.

What should President Gore do?

*I'd like to dedicate this nonsense to Berke Breathed.