Friday, October 15, 2004

Meese Files: Brunching Shuttlecocks Style

To fully get the gestalt of this post, you need to see this:

and this:


Love the fur nipple cozies, they look functional and fun. An unfortunate side effect is the fact that they deter from nipples showing through, which, I must admit, is one of my favorite things about breasts (I know they chafe, if you're wearing the wrong item over the sensitive buggers, and others consider it embarrassing. But as a man...hmmm, nipples). I imagine they'd be fun for the partner of whoever wears them, however. Another unfortunate side effect is that they remind me of a woman I used to date, who had no need for nipple cozies. Couldn't see the fur thong. (Nipple Cozies: A-)

The sweater, though, is an eyesore, in my opinion. Ugly, non-functional, and beyond the fact that it places my penultimate oral fixation RIGHT THERE, not so much fun. I'd imagine that this is what this sweater is for; moms with tykes fresh from the oven, and this sweater allows them to feed the pups without the lifting and disrupting of bras, and still remain warm. Which is all well and good in theory, but then I realize that if this were the case, then the sweater would come with some kind of lid at the end of those boob tubes. So, someone must've designed these with titillation in mind (these puns just magically appear, I swear).

And as titillation, they are woefully...what's the word...damn it, it's on the tip of my tongue (fingers). Ah well, the thing most of these designers of novelty erotic clothing, is that titillation comes when you see less of the body. A state of wanting to see more is needed, the imagination has to be engaged. And that's where this sweater fails, in my estimation (and where the nipple cozies succeed, by the way), it leaves no room for me to yell out, "take that damn sweater off, damn it!" Also, it reminds me of some villain in either the Pink Panther or the Flint movie series, the one with knifes in the bra, except, you can't hide anything in this sweater. Yup. (Boob Exposing Sweater: D)


ps-I never dated a woman who didn't need nipple cozies.


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